A rant.

Ive always done things independently, and ever since I could ride a bike I would ride around for hours. Not really going anywhere particular, just exploring and trying to create missions.

I remember very vividly sitting at my living room window, staring out at the street to wait for my friend (only friend) Nathan. He was a little older than me, and a possible escape to the never ending boredom that I was always under.

I remember that I wasn’t really even satisfied when he was around. But still a better option than boredom. I wasn’t near old enough to understand my feelings. Only to feel them.

But now that I am older, the main enemy in my life is boredom. That is the killer. That is why I try to break my comfortable ways. Why I sometimes go to relative extremes to do so.

Im not a thrill seeker really, and am not addicted to fear or adrenaline, even though I enjoy a good thrill and a good adrenaline rush. What I am afraid of though. And what is with me often, is sitting somewhere, bored. Not interested, not productive, not feeling good or bad, just bored. That is my fear. And like all fears, it can find a way to manifest itself from the very fear of it itself.

I wonder if I am a loner.

Im not really worried either way. Just that I seem to be quite comfortable with large periods of being alone, not social. Compared to other people? I don’t know about that.

I am alone a lot, and it can be uncomfortable at certain times. But then again, I am very social and friendly, have amazing friends and a great family support, enjoy peoples company. And yet I am completely alone here. I don’t have any real friends here yet and am just starting to work at building some friendships. But being alone is my reality right now.

I don’t think I mind.

This guy from school, is one year older than me and has a wife and two kids, a mortgage and is moving and has a steady job and etc.etc.etc… Crazy how different our paths are right now, and yet we are both in the same program and I believe we both will make good teachers in our own right.